


Falling Slowly

by ShoeQueen



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-30
Updated: 2018-12-02
Packaged: 2019-02-23 22:15:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13199658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShoeQueen/pseuds/ShoeQueen
Summary: The evolution of Sam and Jack's relationship from Jack's POV.  Episode tag(s) for each chapter.  This will have it all: Angst, fluff, whump, UST, and *maybe* a bit of RST.  I've got a list of some episodes that I think could be especially shippy, from each season, and am working on writing something for them. This is going to take a LONG time to finish, and while they will be in chronological sequence with the show, each chapter should stand on its own.  I hope.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Not my characters. 
> 
> The Broadway show, Once, has the most beautiful song, called Falling Slowly. It always reminds me of Sam and Jack. You scan find the song on Youtube, if you're curious. If you ever get the chance to see the show in person, GO! You will not regret it.
> 
> Falling Slowly  
> By Glen Hansard
> 
> I don't know you but I want you  
> All the more for that  
> Words fall through me and always fool me  
> And I can't react
> 
> And games that never amount  
> To more than they're meant  
> Will play themselves out
> 
> Take this sinking boat and point it home  
> We've still got time  
> Raise your hopeful voice, you have a choice  
> You've made it now
> 
> Falling slowly, eyes that know me  
> And I can't go back  
> And moods that take me and erase me  
> And I'll paint it black
> 
> Well you have suffered enough  
> And warred with yourself  
> It's time that you won
> 
> Take this sinking boat and point it home  
> We've still got time  
> Raise your hopeful voice, you have a choice  
> You've made it now
> 
> Why don't you come?  
> One, two, three, four
> 
> Take this sinking boat and point it home  
> We've still got time  
> Raise your hopeful voice, you have a choice  
> You've made it now
> 
> Falling slowly sing your melody  
> I'll sing along,  
> Baby, why don't you come home?

* * *

Falling Slowly

I don’t know you,

but I want you,

all the more,

for that.

 

Episode tags-Children of the Gods

 

Colonel Jack O’Neill, who until recently had been retired Colonel Jack O’Neill, walked the familiar halls of the SGC, and found himself wondering how he’d gotten dragged back into this mess. Sure, it was exciting to think about going through the gate again, and to have…a purpose, he supposed, something he hadn’t had in a long time, but he wondered if it was really worth all the crap he’d eventually have to put up with.

He was headed to the conference room for a meeting with General Hammond and the team he was to lead through the gate back to Abydos. Part of him itched to go through and another part dreaded what he might find on the other side.

And then there was Daniel. He heaved a sigh. Dr. Daniel Jackson, archeologist, Stargate expert and all around people lover. Jack nearly shuddered at the thought. Daniel was far more diplomatic than Jack could ever be and more than Jack really thought was necessary. He took his sweet time getting to the point about the information they needed the last time they were on Abydos and Jack wanted to shoot him. Since they needed Daniel to figure out how to get them home, he opted to let the good doctor live.

It wasn’t that Daniel wasn’t a nice guy, he was, it was that Daniel was too nice, and not even a little bit military in nature. They were like oil and water. Or perhaps, a better comparison would be fire and gasoline. Yep, that was it, fire and gas. Daniel was definitely the fire that would cause Jack to explode at any moment with all his hemming and hawing and being too goddamn nice.

Still, Jack had wondered how Daniel had fared since he decided to stay on Abydos with his wife (Jack still thought that bit was hilarious), and his adopted people, and thought it just might be nice to see him. As long as he didn’t talk too much, that was. He chuckled too himself. That was wishful thinking. Stepping off the elevator to grab a quick snack in the commissary, Jack spotted a young airman, an E-2, Jack noted, meaning he probably wasn’t more than 19 or 20, escorting another officer around, heading straight toward him and the elevator. They were talking quietly, but Jack could hear them clearly.

“I don’t know,” the officer, a striking blond woman in her dress uniform, was saying. She had a lovely voice. “I’ve got a meeting to get to. I don’t think I have the time.”

The young airman dipped his head, smiling wryly, as if he were thinking how clueless officers were when it came to paperwork and procedure. Jack knew it was probably true. He had no idea how all the forms he had to sign seemed to magically appear, collated, stapled and with the little ‘sign here’ flags attached in just the right spots, but he knew there was a young airman out there, who took care of it, like it was no big deal. Jack realized he was grateful for those packets of paper, because he’d never get anything correct if he had to do it himself.

“It won’t take but a moment, ma’am,” the airman assured her. “It’s just a few signatures, and you’re done. These really need to be on file right away, and General Hammond will be on my case if he doesn’t have them.”

Resigned, and clearly not wanting to get the younger man in trouble, the woman nodded. “Okay, then. If you’re sure we can get it all done quickly. My flight was behind schedule, so I barely got here as it is. I don’t want to be late.”

The airman nodded and moved at a quick clip toward the elevator. He was looking at a folder, and not at Jack, and as a result banged into him, despite Jack trying to move aside. The papers in the folder flew in all directions. The airman looked up and his eyes slid to the eagles on Jack’s shoulders, then to the man himself. “Sir,” he said, coming to attention. “I’m so sorry, Sir. I was escorting Captain…”

Jack stopped the young airman mid sentence. “No harm done. Just watch where you’re going next time, Airman...” Jack looked at his nametape. “Nelson.”

Nelson, bobbed his head so hard Jack wondered that it didn’t just roll off and down the hallway. “Yes, Sir. Will do, Sir.”

The woman, the captain, had bent down to pick up the scattered paper. Jack realized her hair wasn’t just blond, but a myriad of golds, that glowed, even in the dim SGC lighting. He wondered who she was, and bent down, along with Airman Nelson, to gather up the remaining pages.  While he certainly didn't mind helping, his motives weren't entirely altruistic.  He wanted to see more of the blond.

She looked up as he bent down and gave him a pleasant smile that lit up her face. It was her eyes though that really captured his attention. They were not just blue, but crystal blue. The kind of blue found in the oceans along the coast of Malta; water that was so blue it was hard to believe it was real, and yet so clear you could see down to the ocean floor.

Jack felt a pang of longing rush through him. It was a feeling he hadn’t had since before…. He shook his head to clear it. He’d barely been divorced six months and still missed Sara. It was just loneliness. Yes, not longing, just loneliness. “Captain,” he said handing the airman the sheets in his hand without looking away from her. He couldn’t see her nameplate because of the way she was angled, but he certainly planned to find out what it was.

“Colonel,” she replied, dipping her head slightly. She too handed her papers to Nelson, and stood. She had turned slightly, and he still couldn’t see her name. Damn.

“Um, ma’am,” Nelson said in a slightly jittery voice. “We should, um…”

She gave Jack one last smile before stepping into the elevator, the doors closing behind her before he could think of anything to say to detain her. He looked down at his watch. Double damn. He had to hurry if he was going to get back down to the meeting on time. He picked up his pace toward the commissary, grabbed a cup of coffee and a pastry from the line, not really paying attention to what he was doing. He wanted to know the Captain’s name; wanted to know what her role was at the SGC. Probably a tech of some kind, or maybe a nurse, he thought. He’d have to see what he could do about getting banged up on a frequent basis if she was a nurse. He wasn’t fond of needles, but maybe he could just find a reason for a bandage or two.   It might be nice just to talk to her every now and then, and especially nice to see those blue eyes.

* * *

 

Jack smiled to himself as he walked into the conference room where Kawalski, Ferretti and several others, whose names he couldn’t recall, were seated around the table, waiting. They all nodded when he entered the room and joked good-naturedly.

Some of them had joined him on the first mission to Abydos, though they knew nothing of the original plan to blow it up along with them. He still felt a little guilty about it, and was glad he was actually able to bring them home. Kawalski and Ferretti didn’t have wives or children, but had he detonated the bomb, he would have stolen any chance they may have had to find those things in the future.

He sat down in the middle seat they’d left open for him and waited. Jack thought about the captain he’d seen in the hall, and started to ask if anyone knew who she was, when General Hammond came out of the office to begin the briefing.

 Jack bristled visibly when the general told him he’d be saddled with another scientist. He hated scientists. While he respected the work they did, he just didn’t like dealing with them and all the weird stuff they insisted on talking about as though everyone else might find it interesting. Most of it, in Jack’s opinion, was mind numbingly dull, and just the thought of spending time with a scientist made him want to pass on the whole deal. He looked at General Hammond, wondering how far he could go. “I’d prefer to put my own team together, Sir.”

Hammond answered him evenly, “Not on this mission. Sorry. Carter’s our expert on the Stargate.”

Jack struggled not to roll his eyes. Apparently this egghead would be going with them, whether he liked it or not. Fine. “Where’s he transferring from?”

A silhouette in the door caught his attention then a blond haired, blue-eyed captain strode confidently into the room. “She is transferring from the Pentagon. I take it you’re Colonel O’Neill. Captain Samantha Carter reporting, Sir.”

Jack looked at the blond woman with a shocked expression. He decided the universe clearly had it in for him.

 

* * *

 

After the meeting, Jack went to the locker room to change into the more comfortable BDU’s then sat on a bench, placing his hands in his head. Of course Carter would be the woman he saw in the hall. Of course. Captain Carter was a gorgeous scientist. Who’d have thought that was even possible? Weren’t all scientists supposed to be geeky, wear glasses, and have a constantly distracted expression on their plain and forgettable faces? Carter did not fit that description by a long shot. She was slim, blond, and wildly attractive. She’d also made him feel a bolt of desire when she looked at him with those big eyes. He was now her commanding officer, which placed her completely off limits. Fantastic.

“You okay there?” Kawalski asked as he entered the locker room.

Jack looked up and grinned sourly. “Peachy.” Standing, he shook his head to clear it and left the locker room swiftly. He’d been terribly rude to Carter, when he shouldn’t have been. While it was true he really didn’t like scientists all that much, or theo-astro-physician or whatever the hell she was, he’d really been pissed because she was the woman he’d seen in the hall. The universe in general seemed to hate him. He should apologize, but knew he probably wouldn’t. It didn’t matter at this point anyway. She was under his command, and to be honest, she did quite a good job at giving as good as she’d gotten. He liked her even more, and then cursed himself.

He went to get kitted out with his gear and maybe check on Carter to see how she was faring. No, he decided, he would not check on Carter. She was an officer and fully capable of getting herself together. He’d see her in the gate room, just like the rest of his men. One of his men, that’s all she was. One of his men.

* * *

 

Carter followed him and the rest of the men into the gate room. He noticed she looked at the gate like she’d never seen anything so fascinating in her entire life. He thought it was pretty cool too, but she looked at it with all the wonder of child on Christmas morning.

Jack turned and realized Hammond was speaking to him. “Sir?” he said, confused.

Hammond gave him a strange look. “This time you bring Daniel Jackson back. Is that clear?”

“Yes, Sir,” Jack returned. He looked around at his team. “Move out!” He noticed Carter stayed standing at the bottom of the ramp, and he joined her. “Captain?”

She looked over at him with wonder in her eyes. “Don’t worry Colonel. I won’t let you down.”

He shot her an amused look. “Good. I was going to say ‘Ladies first.’” He headed up the ramp assuming she’d follow. She caught up to him in a few quick steps, still smiling at the bright blue event horizon in front of her. He suddenly realized it was the same color as her eyes, and the light reflecting off her hair, gave it an ethereal glow. He found he liked it.

“You know,” she says looking over at him, wide smile still plastered on her face. “You will real like me when you get to know me.”

“Oh, I adore you already, Captain,” he returned. He was afraid it might be true, and that could not bode well for either of them.


	2. Chapter 2

Episode tags-Emancipation, The Broca Divide

 

Jack sat at his desk, which his team would probably find more shocking than anything they’d encountered through the Stargate, and flipped through the mission reports General Hammond thought he might want to rewrite. Apparently ‘Mean son of a bitch,’ ‘Crazier than a shit house rat,’ and ‘Maniacal snakehead with a bad sense of fashion,” weren’t considered “military, enough” and needed to be changed. Jack thought they made reading reports more interesting. He sighed, and slid the folders to the side of his desk. He’d get to them, later. Or never. If the big brass didn’t like them, well, he has several colorful phrases he could use to tell them exactly what he thought about _them_ and _where_ they could put the reports. God, he’d always hated reports. No one had ever really had a problem with how he’d written his reports before, but he’d been slightly less irreverent back then, and apparently, _these_ reports were a bit more important.

 

Jack sat back in his squeaky, and slightly uncomfortable chair, propped his feet on the desk, and tossed sheets of crumpled up papers toward the trashcan near the door. He missed far more than he made, but basketball had never really been his sport anyway. He was more of a hockey guy. He tipped a square pencil holder on its side, and used a pencil to shoot crumpled paper balls toward it. While he didn’t make many more shots this way than he had tossing them, he found it more satisfying. Infinitely so.

 

An hour later, he was bored, irritated, and hungry, but thought maybe he should get to those reports before more piled up and he couldn’t see over them.

 

“Crap,” he said out loud, picking up the first file, flipped it open, and skimmed the contents. PX5-something, something, something. The Shadavi; The Tugai; incredibly sexist; totally unprepared for Carter to kick the Tugai leader’s ass. Jack had been incredibly proud of his 2IC when she’d challenged the Turgai leader for the life of his daughter. He’d been confident in her abilities to fight, but when he’d found out it was to the death, he’d known a moment of fear. She’d shown skill, intelligence, strength, and even mercy, in sparing the life of the chieftain, and he knew in that moment that SG-1 wouldn’t be the same without her.

 

Looking back down at the file, he smiled when he thought of her indignation over being forced to wear a dress and a face covering. The infamous blue dress. She had truly looked lovely, even in the ridiculous headdress. The blue of the dress had made her eyes sparkle, even as they looked at the team with irritation. Probably because they stared at her with goofy grins on their faces. Well, he was certain he and Daniel looked goofy. He didn’t think Teal’c could look goofy if he tried.

The majority of her pale skin had been covered, but the dress hugged her curves in the right places, and showed the swell of her bosom to an advantage. He’d seen her in far less, especially on P3X-595, when she’d had that drink and proceeded to try removing her clothes, a memory that always made him chuckle, but something about seeing her in a dress had somehow stunned him. Jack remembered he’d had to actually snap his jaw closed. He couldn’t recall the last time he’d had a jaw dropping moment when he saw a woman. He actually didn’t think he had ever done that, before, not even when he first saw Sara coming down the aisle at their wedding. That thought caused him and immediate stab of guilt. Sara had deserved better than him.

 

Jack shook his head, to make the melancholy disappear, made a few changes with a pen that he’d type up later, tossed the folder aside, and grabbed another. Flipping through it, he groaned slightly. The SG-3 jarheads had accompanied SG-1 to P3X-797, which he recalled as the planet of light and dark, unibrows, and...base urges.

 

He and the others had brought back the “touched” virus, as they called it, and half the base had turned into some sort of Neanderthal or whatever it was Daniel had decided they were most like. He had been in the unlucky half of the base personnel who had come down with the disease, and grimaced at the thought. His hormone levels had apparently skyrocketed, and while he couldn’t really remember it, he’d punched Daniel more than a few times for making a simple comment about Carter.

 

Carter. He sighed. She had succumbed to the symptoms of the virus before he had, and had all but attacked him in the locker room. Her kisses were hot and forceful and made him think about things he shouldn’t have. She’d pushed him against a locker and kissed him hungrily, before flipping him down to a bench, straddling him when he struggled to get away from her. He’d been so surprised at the time, he didn’t think about how hot it really was to have such a gorgeous woman coming on to him so aggressively. Not to mention that sweet little tank top that showed her figure off in just the right way. He’d had to really force himself _not_ to give in to her demanding kisses. She might be on his team, but he was only a man, for crying out loud. It had taken every ounce of his strength to pull away take her to the infirmary. He smiled slightly at the thought of the quick kiss he’d placed on her throat, just before he scooped her up. He’d had to fight her all the way to the infirmary, as she nipped at his ears, ran her hands over his chest, and pressed herself suggestively against his body. Hell, he’d nearly dragged her into a room, and let her have her way with him. He’d taken a very long, very cold shower after leaving her with Janet. Then, he’d taken a second one.

 

He’d thought things about his 2IC that he should not have. It frustrated him, because he was better than that. Sure, he could excuse it on the fact that he too had already started feeling the effects, but felt he should be able to reign in his baser nature. He’d resolved to think of her only has his team member and that was that. Sort of.

 

He’d tried to joke about it later, once the virus had been eradicated, to make her feel more comfortable. He had admired her for the way she’d handled herself afterward. It wasn’t exactly her fault. He figured being the only female on any team, let alone the SGC’s flagship team, had to difficult enough on her, so he let her know in the only way he could that it was okay, and they’d never talked about it again. He’s also made sure that other base personnel didn’t talk about it either. They’d all done things they wouldn’t normally have, and he’d made damn sure Carter’s actions weren’t fodder for locker room gossip.

 

After making a few more corrective notes, and cursing about brass and bureaucrats under his breath, he tossed it on top of the previous file then reached for the next. “Dammit,” he muttered.

 

“Everything okay, Sir?” Carter asked from his doorway.

 

He briefly wondered if he’d somehow conjured her up. He blinked a few times, and shook his head, but she was still there.  “Um, yeah. Just…” He waved his hands over the files scattered across his desk.

 

“Paperwork,” she finished for him, with a wrinkle of her nose. He thought it was ridiculously adorable, and immediately chastised himself for it. “I just wanted to let you know that I’m headed out.”

 

He nodded. “Have a good night, Carter.”

 

“You, too, Sir,” she replied with a smile, and walked out.

 

“Hey, Carter?” Jack called, jumping up, and rushing to the door.

 

She stopped and turned back to him. “Yes, sir?”

 

Jack knew it was a bad idea. Such a bad idea. He followed through, anyway. “You wanna grab a bite to eat? Not in the commissary. I don’t think I could handle another meal of meatloaf, or whatever it is they’re serving, today.”

 

“Oh. Sure,” she said, a touch of surprise in her voice. “Let me get my things, and I’ll meet you topside. Are Daniel and Teal’c joining us?”

 

“I’ll ask them,” he said. He knew that was a lie the moment it came out of his mouth. While it wasn’t a date, couldn’t _date_ his 2IC, there was absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to get to know her as a person, right? He’d done the same with previous 2ICs, and he shouldn’t treat her any differently. He moved to pick up the phone, like he was going to call one of them, and waved her on. When he was sure she was gone, he placed the phone back in the cradle. This was a goddamn bad idea, he thought again, as he grabbed his own jacket, closed the door, and locked it.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is just a short little chapter of moody Jack.
> 
> Thanks to the gorgeous 3StarJeneral for her input and encouragement.

Tags-The First Commandment

Jonas Hanson. Jonas Fucking Hanson. Jack snorted. He didn’t regret that the man fell through the gate before the codes were sent, and splattered against the iris. No, that was exactly what Hanson deserved. What he did regret was that his fists didn’t get to make contact with the man’s face a few times before it happened. What could Carter have possibly seen in him? She’d said he’d been different, when they’d been engaged, but aside from a lobotomy or a snake in his head, there was no way anyone could be THAT different.   
Jack took a long draw from his beer bottle and watched the lightning streak through the dark sky. The weather suited his mood. Carter had been engaged to that ass. How? More importantly, why? Had she really loved him? She’d said he was charming. What did that even mean? Charming? Charming or not, Hanson was so far out of Carter’s league, they weren’t even playing the same sport. The fact that he’d convinced her to marry him, or at least agree to marry him, as she apparently came to her senses and called it off, was baffling.   
He made a mental list of the things Carter might have seen in Hanson: good looking, he supposed; alpha type, which some women found attractive; career military, which might not be so much a plus, as merely a common factor; fitness, which a Jack really decided went hand in hand with looks and the fact that the man had been military; age, though that one rankled him for reasons he’d rather not think about. It didn’t add up. Oh, sure, in Carter world, she could probably find some way to prove that two plus two did in fact, equal five, but no way could she make her and Hanson add up. Had she felt pressured? Not by Hanson, he thought, a she was more likely to take him out in single combat, a thought that made Jack smile, but if not, then by whom? Society? She was of an age when many women were already married. He supposed it was considered the norm, but Carter was about the furthest thing from the norm he could possibly imagine. Her family? He didn’t even know what family she had. He realized he knew very little about Carter’s life outside the military. They’d shared that dinner a while back, but had mostly talked about their careers, not families. Jack generally steered clear of talking about his family, or lack thereof. Only Daniel, and now Hammond, knew about Charlie, and he was fairly certain they kept that to themselves. No, he definitely needed to find out more about Carter’s family. Perhaps he’d check out her personnel file. He’d given it a brief glance, back when she first came on the team, but only to see what the scientist, as he’d thought of her then, had really done. He had to admit he’d been impressed, but he never read any of her actual personal information. Perhaps that would give him more insight into the whole Hanson nonsense.   
Finishing off his beer, Jack stood, and wandered down the hall to his bedroom. He briefly wondered why he even cared. Why did this a Hanson thing bother him so much? If he were being honest with himself, he might admit to a smidgeon of jealousy. If. When it came to a certain Doctor Captain, or Captain Doctor, he wasn’t sure, he was quickly realizing that being honest with himself wasn’t something he should really do. Nope, not at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TBC...


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in two days! The Muse has decided to pay me a visit! Hope you like this one. It's a bit lighter than the last one.

Tags-Singularity, Hathor

 

Jack sat on his sofa, drinking a beer and eating a slice of pizza.  Daniel sat at the opposite end of the sofa drinking a soda, while Carter sat on the floor, beside the recliner that held Teal’c, who was busy picking the peperoni off his pizza.  For some reason the Jaffa chose to pick the toppings off then eat them once he’d finished the pizza. He slapped playfully (for a Jaffa, anyway) at Carter’s hand when she tried to steal one.  Everyone seemed more relaxed than they had been in a long time.

 

They’d had a weird few weeks, though weird was fast becoming the new norm, and Jack had decided to call a team night at his house.  After they’d taught Daniel and Teal’c how to play, they’d played a few rounds of poker, where Carter had smoked them all. Jack was certain she was using some math-y, science-y thing to win, but he hadn’t a clue what it could be.  Instead, he’d lost his chips (actually they were pretzels), and put up with some good-natured ribbing, after boasting about his poker playing skills. 

 

“Don’t worry about it, Sir.”  Carter said, as she scooped all the pretzels in the center of the table towards her.  “It’s not like there’s anyone else here to witness your humiliation. And it could always be worse; we could have been playing strip poker.  You’d be freezing by now.” 

 

“Nice, Carter,” he replied, flinging a pretzel at her.  She caught it, and popped it in her mouth, chewing with a smirk on her face.

 

Daniel had laughed, which was nice to hear.  He hadn’t laughed in quite a while, and Jack would happily lose at every game if that’s what it took.

 

“We have similar games on Chulak,” Teal’c told them.

 

“And do you often lose those, too?” Jack asked.

 

“I do not.”

 

“Well, what happened this time?”

 

Teal’c pinned him with a look.  “I came up against a more skilled opponent.  Had Captain Carter not been playing, I am fairly certain it would be I enjoying the salted twists.”

 

Carter snickered.  “I’d be happy to sit this hand out.”

 

“Me, too,” Daniel said.  “It’s not like I ever stood a chance at winning, anyway.”

 

“I think we’ve had enough of cards, kids,”  Jack told them. He certainly didn’t want to be in a one on one match with Carter.  She’d slaughter him six ways to Sunday.

 

Teal’c inclined his head.  “I agree. I should not like to humiliate O’Neill any more than he already has been.”

 

The others laughed loudly, and Jack shook his head.  It had been a long time since he’d been part of something like this team, and it gave him a sense of pride that he was their leader.  “I’m not going to forget that,” he told Teal’c. “Especially the next time we’re sparring in the gym.”

 

“You seek out humiliation, then.”

 

Jack flung a pretzel at Teal’c.  

 

They dissolved into tossing pretzels at each other, and name calling for several minutes, before moving to the living room.  “If you’re hungry, Sir, I have plenty of pretzels,” Carter told him with a broad smile.

 

They’d sat, chatting about day-to-day events, and shared random thoughts, impressions, or memories, from the missions they’d taken.  They’d tried to step around some of the missions, but that didn’t stop Jack from thinking about them. 

 

He’d had some failures as their leader and they didn’t set well with him.   He was supposed to keep them safe, and he’d failed in a spectacular fashion.  

 

Carter had been the hero in the whole ordeal with Cassie.  Not that he craved being the hero, but he should have been the one to make the decision to stay with the little girl.  The decision to take her away had been easy. She was was going to explode, and getting her away from the SGC had really been a no brainer.  Knowing what was going to happen had nearly ripped him in two. She was so young and innocent and he hated the snakehead who had made her into a weapon with a passion normally reserved for the bastards who’d held him captive in Iraq and politicians.  When Carter radioed up that Cassie had woken up, it had taken everything in him not to go back down himself. He still felt guilty that he actually hadn’t. Carter had stayed though. Brave, caring Carter had been willing to die to stay with a little girl she didn’t even know.   He’d admired her for it, but been scared to death to lose her. She was part of his team. An important part. When he’d first met her, he’d never thought she’d be such an integral part of his team. His life, really. 

Jack looked around.  They were were all an integral part of his life.  Even Daniel, hard as that was to swallow. Who’d have ever thought that his closest...friends would be scientists and an alien.   He paused for a moment. Were they friends, though? He liked to think they were, but he wasn’t certain they’d feel the same. He was their commanding officer, or at least Carter’s, and Daniel’s team leader, though goodness knew the archaeologist rarely listened to him, and Teal’c, well he wasn’t really sure why Teal’c listened to him, but he was grateful for the larger man’s presence in the field.  When they weren’t working though, did they think of him as a friend? He let out a sigh. He was being rather pathetic. Clearly he hadn’t had friends in far too long. He didn’t even know how to act.

 

“You okay, Sir?” Carter asked, her head cocked slightly to the side.

 

“Peachy,” he replied.  For the first time in a long time, he thought it might be true.  He had plenty to think about, and plenty of regrets, but things just might be okay.

* * *

 

Later that night, after his team had left, and he’d tossed the last of the pizza boxes in the recycling bin (Carter had been impressed with that, and it made him smile), he stood in front of his bathroom sink, staring at his reflection.  

 

He was noticing more and more gray hair, every day.  Getting older sucked. His knees were bad, he creaked when he walked, and he noticed he’d been making groaning sounds when he sat, lately.  What the hell was that about? 

 

As had become his habit, since the whole Hathor thing, Jack pulled his shirt off and ran a hand across the still flat plain of his stomach.  He knew the pouch wasn’t there, had no real memory of it ever actually being there, but after waking up sweaty from too many dreams of a snake curled up inside him, he still needed to reassure himself.   He gave a shudder at the thought. 

 

Jack had always found redheads sexy in an exotic way, but after meeting the goddess of sex, drugs, and rock and roll, redheads were definitely off his list.  Not that there was a list. It had been far too long since he’d been with a woman, no one since Sarah in fact, but that doesn’t mean he hadn’t looked. He couldn’t look at a redhead now without feeling a weird squirming in the pit of his stomach.  He decided he definitely preferred blondes. 

 

He grinned slightly as one particular blonde popped into his mind.  He’d been hard pressed to keep himself under control as Carter unbuttoned his BDU top to check him for a pouch.  She’d tried not to touch him, but he could still remember what it felt like when the backs of her fingers skimmed lightly across his skin.  He’d had to concentrate hard not to clench his entire body. At the time he hadn’t known what she was looking for, other than she said he’d been injured, but her soft exclamation of “Wow,” had made him want to laugh.  Like the genius that he was, he couldn’t think of anything to say, other than “Crunches.” The memory always made him feel oddly lighthearted. His Captain seemed to have a way of making that happen. 

 

Pulling his shirt back on, Jack brushed his teeth, then headed towards his bed.  Heartburn crept up on him. Damn this getting older bullshit. He could certainly feel the pizza and beer he consumed that evening, in ways he never would have 20 years earlier.  If he wasn’t vigilant, his stomach wouldn’t be flat much longer. He stopped, and lay on the floor. Maybe a few crunches before bed weren’t a bad idea. Besides, he never knew when someone might need to check his stomach.  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TBC...


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Solitudes! This one was so much harder to write than I thought it would be! This episode holds such a special place in the heart of so many shippers (yours truly, included!) that I was scared of messing it up. Thanks a million to 3StarJeneral for her encouragement, when I was ready to scrap the whole thing.

Tags….Solitudes

* * *

 

Cold.  Jack was so cold.  He hurt everywhere, but the cold was what bothered him the most.   If he could just be warm, he’d feel better. He filtered through his memories, thinking of times he’d been warm.  Not Iraq or Abydos, those were hot, and he wasn’t a particular fan of being overheated, either. No, he needed a good memory.  Hawaii. He’d only been there a few times on training missions, and it wasn’t all that fantastic in his opinion. Magnum PI, be damned, it was boring.  Where else? Jamaica? Jamaica was good. Yes, Jamaica. He and Sarah had gone there on their honeymoon. She’d been gorgeous in her bikini, her skin a golden tan.  He remembered sitting on a beach chair, sipping a beer. Sarah lounged next to him with one of those fruity drinks with an umbrella and fruit, but he’d refused the cabana boy’s offer.   He’d have whiskey every now and then, but he was a beer man at heart, and being on his honeymoon wasn’t going to change that. Sarah smiled at him and asked if he was enjoying himself. To be honest, he had been pretty bored, but she wanted a lazy tropical honeymoon, and he wanted her to have whatever she wanted.  In this ball freezing land, he was glad he had the memory to pull up. If he concentrated hard enough, he could imagine the way the sun felt on his skin. They’d been so young. Well, she had, anyway. Jack wasn’t sure he’d ever really been young, even when he was. There had always been something inside him that made him feel older than everyone around him.   He gave himself a mental shake. Jamaica. Think about Jamaica. Think warm thoughts. His mind drifted on the warm breeze before sleep finally claimed him.

 

Jack shifted in his sleep.  Sarah was snuggled against his side.  She was warm and soft. Shifting his arm, he felt pain lance through him.  With the pain came cold. A cold that pierced the fog of his brain. That wasn’t Sarah.  It was...Carter. What the hell? Why was Carter draped across him? They clearly weren’t in Jamaica.  It was cold. So fucking cold. What was going on? Carter snuggled tighter into him. She made a soft sound that went straight to his groin.  Jesus, what was wrong with him? He was freezing and in pain, and he was still responding to the first woman he’d been this close to in more than a year.  He realized he couldn’t breathe. He tried to talk, but could only manage a cough. Carter shifted slightly and he could feel air pull agonizingly into his lungs.  With air, he found his voice. “Captain. Much as I might otherwise think this is nice…”

Sam moved her head.  “Sshhh, try to sleep.”

God, he was in agony.  “Is that what we were doing?”

He could feel Sam’s warm breath against him as she spoke. “You were exhausted, you passed out. I just thought we had to combine body heat or we wouldn't make it through the night.”

He tried to pull away, but she moved with him.  “That's fine, it's just really hard to sleep with broken ribs when someone's lying on you.”

“Sorry, sorry, sorry,” she apologized as she moved away, quickly.

“That's better.”  It wasn’t. He still couldn’t breath and he missed her warmth.  

“Sleep for a few hours and I'll fix the DHD.”

Jack smiled in the dark.  He appreciated her optimism, but wasn’t sure he shared it.  “Okay. Night.”

“Night.” Sam said as she shifted her lower body. He leg skimmed his pelvis and she stopped suddenly.  “Oh....Colonel....!”

Shit.  Jack tried to think, but his mind was barely functioning.  Too bad the rest of his treacherous body clearly was. “It's my sidearm, I swear,” he said calmly.

Sam giggled at that.  He was fairly certain she didn’t buy it.  The woman was smart and it wouldn’t take much for her to figure out that she was on his left, but his sidearm was on his right.  There was nothing to do but carry on like she did believe him. He tried to sound indignant. “No giggling, please!”

They were both silent for a moment, lost in their own thoughts, before she spoke again.  “If we don't make it, I won't have any regrets, you?”

Regrets?  God, he had a list 4 miles long.  How could he even start? The men he’d killed?  He was certain he wasn’t supposed to regret killing them, as they’d been trying to kill him, but he was certain they’d been following orders, just as he had.  They’d probably had families waiting for them. The things he wanted to do, but never did? Charlie? Yes, he’d always regret Charlie. With every waking moment he regretted Charlie.  Regretted not seeing his son grow up. Regretted the man he’d never become. His marriage? The way it ended? Yes, he absolutely regretted all of that. Not knowing how his brave Captain survives?  He’d certainly miss watching her grow as an officer. She was a great 2IC and he was certain she was destined for great things. He wasn’t sure how to respond, but knew she needed something from him.   “I'll regret dying.”

 

* * *

“God, why won’t you work?”

 

Jack blinked as the word broke through his sleep.  Carter. It was Carter. Where was she? Where was he?  He tried to focus and blue white walls of ice came into view.  Oh, right, ice planet. And he hurt. Damn, he hurt everywhere.  “Carter,” he called on the radio. “Carter.”

 

She was by him in just moments, and he told her about Plan B.  She’d argued of course. She wouldn’t be Carter if she didn’t argue.  She wanted to continue working and he wanted her to go to the surface on her own.  They reluctantly came to an agreement: he would let her have another shot at the gate, and if she couldn’t get it to work after that, she’d climb out of the cave.  Jack just hoped he was still conscious in a few hours, because he knew she would never leave if he wasn’t. “I’m going to get more rest, if that’s okay with you, Captain.”  

 

She smiled at him.  “Sleeping on the job, Sir?  That’s not like you. I suppose I could be convinced to keep it out of my report.”

 

“I appreciate that,” he replied, as his eyes slipped closed.

 

The next time he woke up, she was next to him.

 

“I guess it didn't work.”  Damn. He was hoping this last time would be the charm.

 

She looked down. “I'm sorry.”

 

Jack tried to smile, but he couldn’t seem to get his cheeks to cooperate.  She looked more defeated than he’d ever seen her. “Not your fault.”

 

“I don't understand why it won't work!”  He could hear the fatigue and exasperation in her voice.

 

“Captain, plan B, go,” he told her, calmly.

 

Shaking her head, she replied, “No, Sir…”

 

If he were completely honest, he didn’t want her to go.  He really didn’t want to die alone. He struggled to breathe. “Sam, I'm dying. Follow my order, please.”  

 

Her eyes flew to his. “Sir…”

 

“Please,” he said quietly, watching the color that was left in her face drain away.  

 

Watching her pack her bag with most of their remaining supplies, he had to stop himself from telling her to stay.  Stay until he was gone, but he was afraid if she stayed, she’d give up and never leave. He refused to let this icy cave be her tomb, as well.  

 

When she finally started crawling away, he closed his eyes and blew out a slow, pained breath.  This was how it ended. In a cold cave on some frozen planet. Closing his eyes he gave a mental chuckle.  This was how Jack O’Neill left this mortal coil. Not in a hail of bullets or a blaze of glory, but on a frozen wasteland, bleeding internally from a bad fall through the gate.  If that wasn’t just his damn luck.  His mind drifted, seeking warm memories to hold.

 

Later, he snuggled into the warmth that pressed into his side. He didn’t understand why he was cold. Jamaica was warm. Was the air conditioning in the room too low?  He wanted to get up and check, but he was so tired. “Sarah…” he mumbled.

 

“I’m here, Jack,” he heard her respond softly.  

 

Her voice was wrong.  His mind struggled to make sense of what was going on, but it was too foggy.  “Cold. So cold…” He tried to say more, but gave up. He shifted slightly, pain no longer registering, and pulled her into him, seeking comfort.  When she shivered, he sighed and buried his nose in her hair, taking in her scent. Carter. He tried to say her name, but his mouth refused to work.  Carter was there. He was safe with her.

 

* * *

**Three weeks later...**

  


Jack had just sat down when his doorbell rang.  “Come in!” He yelled. Walking on crutches was a bitch and he wasn’t going to get up again.  Whoever was at the door was going to have to see themselves in.

 

“Sir?” Carter’s blonde head popped through a crack in the door.

 

He waved her in, surprised at her visit.  She’d been coming to visit him regularly, the first few days he was in the infirmary, but after she apologized for what had to be the fiftieth time, he snapped at her, and she hadn’t come back.  He’d felt guilty, and tried to apologize, but she never returned, and his calls to her lab had gone unanswered. “Carter,” he smiled at her. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”

 

She held up a bag.  “Daniel told me he’d brought you home, but didn’t have a chance to bring you dinner, so...um, I brought soup.”

 

“Soup?”  He echoed, dumbly.

 

“It’s warm.  I thought, maybe, you might still be, um…”

 

“Cold,” he finished for her.

 

She nodded, embarrassed.  “Since we’ve been home I can’t seem to get warm.”

 

“Me neither,” he motioned to the blanket he had draped over his legs.  “Bring enough for two? I’d appreciate the company.”

 

Sam set the bag in front of him on the table, then went to the kitchen to get bowls, spoons, napkins and drinks.  When she returned, Jack looked at the bottles of water she carried. “No beer,” she told him firmly. “Janet told me you’re still on some pretty strong painkillers, so alcohol is out.  I’ll put on some water for tea, though, after we eat.”

 

“Fine,” Jack huffed.  He knew he couldn’t have beer, but letting his Captain put him in his place made them both feel a little less awkward.  Her smile seemed brighter than it had moments before.

 

After she dished up the soup and handed him his bowl, Jack lifted the edge of his blanket.  “Put your feet under,” he told her. When Sam sat, sideways, her back up to the arm of the sofa, she slid her chilly feet across the sofa and tucked them up under the edge of his thigh.  He let her settle, then tossed half the blanket across her legs. “Geez! You weren’t kidding,” he joked. “I can feel the cold through my clothes.”

 

Sam looked stricken, and started to pull away, but he wrapped an arm around her legs.  “Stay, Carter. It’s fine.” When she gave him a skeptical look, he smiled. “Eat your soup.  Though, if you try to apologize for something you had no control over, you lose your blanket privileges.  Got it?”

 

“Yes, Sir.”  Her smile reached her eyes for the first time in weeks and Jack felt slightly warmer inside than he had in a long time.

 

Later, their dinner cleaned up, Sam made tea and brought him a cup.  When she went to sit at the opposite end of the sofa again, he reached for her hand and pulled her down next to him, and settled the blanket over them both.  “You okay? Warm enough?”

 

She nodded, took a sip of her tea.  “Not yet, but I will be.”

 

He wrapped an arm around her shoulder and squeezed lightly.  “We’re going to be fine.” He realized as he said it, he felt for the first time in more than a year that it might actually be true.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was actually the 2nd chapter I wrote for this series (the next chapter, tagged to Message in a Bottle, was the first), and they were originally meant to be stand alone one shots, until I decided to connect them in a series. I've had these on my computer for well over a year and a half, waiting to post, while I worked on S1 episodes. 
> 
> So, on to Season 2!

Tags...In the Line of Duty

 

Jack stared at Carter through the bars of the brig.  No, not Carter, he reminded himself, a Goa’uld. A goddamn snakehead had taken Carter from them.  He felt sick. It wasn’t Carter anymore, he had to keep reminding himself; it was a Goa’uld in the body of his 2IC.  A Goa’uld who had stolen her body and mind. Teal’c had told them the first time they’d ever met in the holding cell that nothing of the host survived the blending process.  He’d seen the truth in that with Kawalski, watched his friend die as the snake leached the life out of him. It would happen to her too. He’d lose another one. Carter wasn’t really just another one though.  She was part of his team, but in many ways, much more. In the year or so that they’d worked together, they’d somehow managed to learn to communicate without words. They could look at each other sometimes and automatically know what the other was thinking.  Jack thought it was unsettling at first, but now he found that he quite liked it. He’d never had a connection like that with anyone in his chain of command before, and found it was comforting to know that there was someone else who understood him. Of course this made him realize that he should have known immediately that something was wrong.  She hadn’t really looked him in the eye, and that alone was enough to cause serious suspicion. He mentally kicked himself. He was trained to notice that kind of thing, so why hadn’t he? Had his trust in Carter blinded him? Damn.

This, snakehead had promised to leave Carter’s mind in tact if they would let it go through the Stargate, and he wanted to believe more than anything, but knew it was a false hope.  Snakeheads would say anything to survive. Looking once more at Carter, he turned toward the door. The sound of Carter’s normal voice behind him caused him to stop.

“Oh, god!  He’s telling you the truth.  Please, Jack!”

Jack wanted to believe, and the sound of Carter’s pleading left him shaken.  Carter would never call him Jack though, he reasoned, and banged on the door for the guard to open it.

“No, Jack! Please, don't leave me, please! Give me a chance!”

Hesitating, he walked out and the guard closed the door firmly behind him.  Walking down the hall, he could still hear her desperate cries calling him back.

“Don’t leave me like this!  Please!”

He was grateful when he was out of earshot.  This was tearing him up inside. He needed to get away from this place, but knew it wasn’t really an option, so he went to his little used office to think.  

 

Later, Jack felt like his head was swimming.  Teal’c actually believed the snakehead. He had heard stories of these Tok’ra from Bra’tac, but could they be real?  Could the snake have been telling him the truth? Daniel certainly seemed to think so, but Jack knew that Daniel’s opinion was biased because of his desperation to find Sha’re.  He didn’t know what to think. He wanted Carter back, but he couldn’t take the chance that a Goa’uld would be running around with access to the entire Stargate program. Then there was this whole Ashrak thing Carter/snakehead had told him about.  Apparently another Goa’uld was running around, who was on a mission to kill her. That was just dandy. There was no way he would let that asshole get to her though. She might not be Carter anymore, but he’d be damned if he let some other snakehead have her.

He walked into the control with General Hammond and Teal’c, and saw the people of Nasya below preparing to return home.  Daniel was directing them in his usual diplomatic style. Jack was glad he wasn’t down there. Hammond took the phone the tech handed him, then gave Jack a brief look of concern. “The driver of a transport truck who delivered the Nasyans just reported into the infirmary; says he blacked out. Doesn't remember driving from the hospital to the base at all.”  Hammond said.

Damn.  Jack was suddenly furious, but reined it in.  “Call up security camera one six delta, please.”  He added the please to make himself remain calm. Anger would do nothing for Carter.

When the feed came up, he saw nothing but fuzz on the screen.  Damn, damn, damn. He turned quickly and headed for the stairs.  “Teal'c, let's get down there.”

The elevator was much too slow for him.  “We shall keep Captain Carter safe, O’Neill.”

Jack watched the floor numbers scroll.  “What if she’s not Carter anymore?”

Teal’c had no answer, so they remained silent waiting for the lift to stop.  When the doors finally slid open, they bolted down the hall. Several airmen were coming from the direction of the holding cell.  “Colonel, the prisoner and two guards, dead,” one said as they ran past.

Jack’s mind screamed.  No, no, NO! She couldn’t be dead.  He wouldn’t let her be. He paused only briefly to touch one of the downed guards, but left Teal’c to do a further check of the two airmen on the floor, and he went straight to the cell where Carter lay in a crumpled heap.  He knelt down, heart pounding in his ears, and touched her. “Sam, Sam! Sam.” He turned her head toward him, looking down at her too pale skin. He noticed an almost indistinct rise and fall of her chest, and hope warred with fear. “Teal’c get a medical team down here right away.” Touching her cheek with one hand, he gently stroked her hair with another.  “Come on, Sam,” he said in a whisper, almost like a prayer. Her eyes opened to look at him for a brief moment before closing again. He was afraid; afraid they’d lost her; afraid he’d lost her. It seemed like an eternity before the med team arrived, though in reality, it was likely no more than 30 to 45 seconds. When they arrived and placed her on a stretcher, he ran with them down the halls, holding on to the gurney, and brushing her soft hair while Janet worked on her, whispering platitudes and nonsense; anything to keep her fighting.  Arriving at the infirmary, he quickly stepped back, standing near Teal’c, so the doctors could do their work. He hated just standing there, unable to do anything. He felt something wet brimming in his eye. Crap. Reaching up, he quickly wiped it away, waiting to hear that she would be okay. Seconds ticked by, turning into minutes. A tech noted two distinct brain waves on one of the machines, both weak, and both fading. Come on, Carter, he thought. Fight this. He walked up to look at the brain waves. Janet looked helpless. This was far out of her medical school training.  

A klaxon warning suddenly blared through the facility, followed by a disembodied “Security alert, intruder in the embarkation room, code red!”  Jack nodded his head toward Teal’c and whispered a soft “Go.” He should probably be there too, but he wasn’t about to leave Carter, not when this could be the last time he ever saw her.  Hang on, Carter. Her breathing was becoming shallower and the beeps on the monitors becoming further and further apart, followed by a sickening sound, indicating a flat line. He felt as though his heart had stopped too.

 

“The parasite is dead,” Janet told him.  She looked into his eyes for a moment, and Jack feared what she may have seen in them.  Turning back to her medic, she all but shouted, “Try another milligram of epi, then prepare for de-fib.”

 

Jack saw everyone moving to save Carter.  He appreciated their quick response, but he was concentrated on the pale woman lying on the table.  She was his co-worker, but more than that, she was his friend. SG-1 had become incredibly close over the past year, surprising him.  They were so different, but made one of the best teams he’d ever been part of. They depended on each other, and to lose one would change all of them.  To lose Carter would…he couldn’t think about that. It was too hard.

“She's out of de-fib!” he heard the medic say, cutting through his thoughts.  He tried to keep himself from getting too excited, but when Janet shouted out, “She's got a pulse,” hope bloomed once again in his chest.  Keep fighting, Carter. Keep fighting.

The medic had been pumping air into her lungs to help her breathe, but the moment he pulled it away, Carter’s eyes fluttered open and met his and he leaned closer to her.  He smiled, relived. “You did it Sam…You won.” Jack was so proud of her. She’d fought through this and came out on the other side.

Sam looked up at him, and weakly shook her head. In a hoarse voice, she whispered, “It wasn't me.”

The hell it wasn’t.  “Oh, yes it was. You hung in there, you beat it.”

Struggling, she spoke again. “The Goa'uld gave its life for me. It saved me.”

Jack didn’t care how it happened, as long as it happened.  Carter was back, and she would be whole and her old self again, he was sure of that.  He watched her eyes close and left her to rest while he went to find out what the hell was going on and to let General Hammond and the guys know that Carter was okay.

Hours later, Jack realized Carter wasn’t whole and he wondered if she’d ever really be herself again.  He and Janet had both tried talking to her, but she was despondent and cried at everything. She hadn’t eaten and even getting her to drink a small amount of water was practically a battle.  He was frustrated and worried. He’d seen the effects of PTSD, hell dealt with them himself, but nothing he did seemed to help. He considered just giving her time, but was afraid being alone was about the worst thing for her.  He stepped out into the hall and motioned for Janet to follow. He told her of a plan, and when she agreed, picked up a phone and dialed Daniel’s quarters. Daniel had been to the infirmary earlier to be checked out after Teal’c hit him and the Ashrak with a zat.  Jack was kind of sad he’d missed that. When Carter didn’t respond to him either, Jack had sent him back to his quarters to rest. Getting zatted was not life threatening, as long as it only happened once in a small space of time, but it was rather draining, and resting afterwards helped shake it off.  When Daniel picked up, sounding better than he had earlier, Jack explained what he wanted to Daniel to do. “I’d do it myself, but…” his voice trailed off.

“But you want to stay with Carter,” Daniel finished for him.  “No problem. I’ll head out right away.”

“Thanks, Daniel.  Oh, and could you pick up some flowers before you come back?  Something big and…flowery. I’ll pay you back.” He hung up the phone and went back into the infirmary to sit by Carter’s bed.  She opened her eyes when he sat down in the chair next to her bed, but didn’t look directly at him. “You okay there, Carter? There’s a whole bunch of people worried about you,” he said with a smile, trying to draw her out.

She nodded.  “Fine, Sir.”

“Come on Carter, this is me.  You can talk to me, you know. I was there; I saw what was happening to you.”

She lifted her eyes to his, and the pain he saw there was deep.  He wished he knew how to take it away and make her whole again. “With all due respect, Sir, you have no idea what was happening to me,” she told him, her voice hard and brittle.

Jack scrubbed his hands through his hair.  He briefly though it was too long, and he needed a haircut.  “I guess you’re right. I don’t know exactly what was happening to you, but I’ve been through some things, and know how difficult it is to recover after…things happen.”  He’d seen, done, and had horrible things done to him, and wasn’t lying when he told her it was hard to recover. Having a snake in her head, even one that was willing to give it’s life to save hers, had to be severely traumatizing.  “Just remember that I’m here if you need me.”

She looked up at him again, then turned on her side, putting her back to him, but not before he’d seen more tears glistening in her now flat blue eyes.  Dammit to hell. He wasn’t going to give her up when he’d just gotten her back.

Jack looked up when Janet tapped him on the shoulder and nodded her head towards the door.  He followed her out to find Teal’c and Cassie waiting by the door. Cassie ran to him and wrapped her arms around his waist.  Man he loved that kid and felt comforted by her presence. He hoped Carter would too. “Hey, sweetheart,” he said returning her hug.  “I thought Daniel was bringing you.”

She smiled up at him.  “Oh, he did, but someone grabbed him on the way here to tell him something, so Teal’c brought me down to the infirmary.  He said he’d be here in a minute though. You should see the flowers!” She giggled then turned serious again.

Daniel came bustling down the hall, or rather a huge flower arrangement came bustling down the hall, and he assumed Daniel was carrying them.  “Couldn’t find anything bigger?” Jack asked as Daniel drew even with them.

Daniel sneezed.  “Um, yeah, but this was the only one I could carry.”  He hesitated, “Um, should I go in?”

“By all means,” Jack said.  “Try not to lose Carter in the flowers though.”

After Daniel disappeared into the infirmary, he sank down into a chair and Cassie leaned against his legs.  They listened for any signs that Sam was talking, but heard nothing. When Daniel came out a few minutes later, he looked defeated.  It was a rare look for Daniel, and made Jack feel even worse. They explained to Cassie that the Goa’uld was gone, and he noted the relieved look on her face.  She’d been scared by Carter the last time she’d seen her. Jack was grateful though, because if it weren’t for Cassie, they wouldn’t know about Carter having a Goa’uld.  Cassie looked at him with uncertain eyes. “Cassie, she's just a little sad right now. But I'll bet she cheers up when she sees you,” he reassured her. Taking her hand, he led her into the infirmary, followed by Daniel and Janet.  The three hung back and allowed Cassie to go to Sam on her own. The young girl climbed on the bed, and touched Carter gently. Jack momentarily wished he could touch Carter, but shook his head clear of that thought. He could hear Cassie talking softly, but couldn’t quite make out what she was saying.  He did see that Carter turned toward her and took that as a positive sign. She even smiled a little, which caused him to heave a huge sigh of relief. He felt like he was really breathing for the first time in many, many hours.

Janet took Cassie home after an hour, with much protesting, but Jack reminded the girl that it was a school night, and she needed her sleep, and she huffed in resignation and followed her mom from the infirmary.

“I’ve got special instructions for the night staff if there are any problems,” Janet told him before she and Cassie left.  “I’ve also left strict instructions for them to call me right away if anything goes wrong.”

“She’ll be fine, Doc,” Jack said with a smile.  He meant it. She would be, and he’d make certain of it.

He wandered back to her bedside once he was left alone and looked at her.  She was sleeping again, but seemed to be more peaceful than she had earlier.  Sinking down into the chair by her bed, he carefully reached up and ran a finger along her arm before taking her hand in his.  Touching wasn’t something they really did unless it was necessary, but he just needed to know she was real. Her eyes opened and he tried to pull his hand away, but she squeezed his, indicating that she didn’t want him to.  “How ya doin’?”

“Better, Sir.”

“Glad to hear it.  Never doubted you for one second.”  He knew it sounded corny, but it made her smile.

“Thank you, Sir.”  She said quietly. Her voice was still hoarse, but it sounded more confident.  “For bringing Cassie.” He arched a brow at her. “I know it was your idea. No one else would have thought of it, and she really helped.  I feel like I’m going to be okay. I don’t think it’s going to get better overnight, but it will.”

He reached up with his free hand to brush her hair back from her forehead. “I know you’ll be okay, Carter.  You’re one of the strongest, bravest people I know. It would take a hell of a lot more than some snake to take you out.”

Sam let out a soft chuckle.  “Thanks for the vote of confidence.”

“Any time, Carter.”  Her eyes were mesmerizing, so he yanked his away and glanced around the room, stopping on the enormous flower arrangement.  “So, I hope you like flowers. Sorry it couldn’t be bigger, but you know how it is.”

“I know, Sir,” she chuckled.  Her eyelids were growing heavy again.

“Get some rest.  I’ll see you tomorrow morning, okay?”  Jack told her.

She squeezed his hand again and closed her eyes with a soft smile. He knew he should go, but instead, he stayed with her, holding her hand for several hours, just watching her sleep, willing her to get better. When his own eyelids began to get heavy, he decided it was time to head to his quarters. He stood, squeezed her hand gently, and fought off the sudden urge to lean over and gently kiss her forehead.  That would be totally inappropriate. He walked down the hall, toward his own room, wondering where that urge had come from. It was far too intimate for just an attraction. Trying to ignore the nagging thought in the back of his brain, he opened the door and collapsed onto his bed.  He was mentally, physically and emotionally drained, but before drifting off, he thought briefly about the two beautiful blue eyes he feared he’d never see again and thanked whatever powers there might be that he no longer had to worry about it.

 

TBC...


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was actually the very first chapter I wrote. I often wondered what was going on in Jack's mind during Message in a Bottle. It was intended to be a one shot, but...grew into an idea for a full series. I only have one more chapter written (mostly written), so it may be a while before I post again.   
> Thank you to everyone who has commented. I'm terrible at replying (I know), but I read them all.

Tags to Message in a Bottle

* * *

 

All Jack could feel was pain.  He hurt everywhere. It wasn’t just pain, it was agony.  His mind felt like it was being crushed in a vice. He couldn’t remember what happened.  The more he tried to recall, the more it hurt. Shaking his head brought the pain radiated from his shoulder into sharp focus and his eyes snapped open.  

The ball!  He and Teal’c had been trying to toss that damn ball back to whatever the hell planet they’d found it on, when the thing suddenly went haywire and he ended up with a spike to his shoulder and pinned to the wall about 10 feet off the floor.  He was trying to figure out what was going on around him. Why hadn’t they gotten this thing out of him? 

“Sir?  Sir, can you hear me?”  Carter’s voice broke through the fog of his brain.

He blinked his bleary eyes, trying to pull things into focus.  “Carter?”

She was standing on the ladder he was propped on, and gave him a small smile.  “Yes, Sir. I’m right here. I know you’re in pain, but I wanted to tell you that we’re working as hard as we can.  We’ll figure out a way to get you free from this, I promise.”

Jack gave her a weak smile in return.  “I know you will. You always manage to get me out of a jam.  You’re pretty darn smart, did you know that?”

He heard her chuckle.  “Thank you, Sir. I just need you to hold on a little longer, okay?  Can you do that?”

Jack had the urge to tell her that he would do anything she asked, but couldn’t form the words.  There were…other voices in his head that made his brain feel like scrambled eggs. They were more sounds than voices.  He couldn’t make out words, though they made sense in a strange way. He smiled again at an anxious looking Carter. “I can,” he finally managed to say.  “For you.”

“Good, Sir.  You just hang on.”  She moved to climb down, but he stopped her.

“Sam?” he croaked.  He realized he liked her name.  Or maybe the voices did. He couldn’t tell, but he thought the feeling was his own. “Hot.  So hot.” He felt like he was in the baking sun of Iraq, though he knew the room was kept at a constant temperature.

“I know, Sir.  I’ll see what we can do.”  She climbed down. 

“Riker, go get some cold packs from the infirmary.  We need help him cool off a little.” Jack would have laughed if he could. It seemed like someone was always trying to get him to cool off, only this time they meant it literally.  He listened as Carter continued, enjoying the sound of her voice. “I need someone on the ladder with him, pressing ice packs to the back of his neck and cool cloths to his forehead.  Got that?”

“Yes, ma’am,” Jack hear the airman reply.   He couldn’t recall the airman’s name, but knew he was one of the legion that practically worshipped Carter.  She could probably take over the SGC just by asking them to follow her. He nearly chuckled at the thought, but was afraid to shift himself. It occurred to him that the  voices had settled down. His body still hurt like hell, but at least his mind wasn’t so loud.

Hours passed with many different attempts to remove the damn spike from his shoulder, but nothing had worked.  The cool packs had helped cool him off, but he was fading in and out of consciousness, and the voices were getting louder and louder.  He wasn’t sure how much more he could take. He had faith in Carter, though. She’d find a way. She always did. If there was anything he knew he could count on no matter what, it was Carter finding a solution to any problem presented to her.  He tried to smile at the thought, but found his mouth didn’t respond to the commands of his brain.  _ O’Neill _ , he heard in his head as the voices suddenly crystalized into one.

Great, he thought, now I’m delusional.   _ O’Neill, we did not mean to harm you, but we need you _ . 

Maybe he wasn’t quite as crazy as he thought.  He focused on making sense of what he was hearing.   _ For what? _ he thought. Couldn’t hurt to talk back.   _ Let me go _ .

_ We cannot do that.  Your people will kill us.  We have survived millennia in our preservation container.  We cannot allow our species to be wiped out. _

_ No _ , Jack replied, as forcefully as he could in his head.   _ No, we, or Carter at least, can figure… _ He tried to complete his sentence, but the pain became unbearable, and once again he was engulfed in darkness.

Jack awoke to find Siler working with a blowtorch, trying to sever the spike.  He was so hot again. It almost felt like the heat from the torch was being absorbed by his own body.  

Teal’c stood nearby, occasionally wiping Jack’s brow with a cool cloth.  Jack had a brief conversation with him to keep his mind off the pain. He realized Teal’c must be exhausted.  He’d not left since the whole ordeal started. “Teal'c, you don't have to stick around.” Jack told him.

The Jaffa stared at him before saying,  “Undomesticated equines could not remove me.”

Jack chuckled painfully.  “Wild horses, Teal'c, it's…that's a joke. You told a joke. Don't make me laugh.”

“Very well.”

“You're a good man, my friend.”  Jack realized how very lucky they’d been to find Teal’c in that prison back on Chulak.  The man was steadfast and loyal. Probably more loyal than most natives from Earth. If not for him, they’d all be dead by now, along with a bunch of other people who did nothing besides being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Being friends with Teal’c, and they were friends, had made Jack feel a kinship he hadn’t felt since before Charlie died.

“As are you, my friend.”  Teal’c said in response.

Siler looked up, his blowtorch still shooting flames.  “Sir. I’m just about through here.”

Jack nodded, hoping this nightmare would be coming to an end. The sphere started glowing, and suddenly the spear that kept him pinned to the wall, shoved further through his body, stopping where the metal was still hot from the torch.  His world boiled down to pain. His body felt seared with heat and pain, and he wasn’t sure how much more he could take. Closing his eyes, he hoped for the bliss of unconsciousness, but it didn’t come.  

_ O’Neill, _ he heard in his head.   _ Your people are only delaying the inevitable.  We will consume your world. _

Jack tried to shake his head.   _ No, you won’t.  My people won’t let that happen! _

_ Why? _

_ Because we want to live, too.  Surely can Surely you, of all...beings, understand that? _

His mind was strangely quiet for a second. Were they conversing where he couldn’t hear?  __ Were there parts of his mind he could keep from them?  

_ We will not allow you to send us back.  We must live. Your destruction is unfortunate, but there is nothing to be done _ .

_ No, no!  God damn it, you bastards, I want to live.  I need to live. _

_ It was not long ago you wished to die.  We can see it in your memories. _  A picture of Charlie passed through his mind.

_Stop! STOP!_ He hoped his thought was forceful. _Leave my son out of this.  That was the past. I don’t want to die now!_ _I want to live. I have reasons to live.  Others…need to live._

_ Yes, we see the others you want to live.  Your friends; your family; those you care deeply about. _

_ Not just them, _ Jack said.   _Everyone._ _ Everyone on the planet.  They need to live. They deserve to live. _

_ We have your knowledge, O’Neill. Not everyone on your planet deserves to live.  They have done horrible things. _

Jack took a shaky breath, trying to separate his thoughts from the noise in his head.  The feeling of helplessness was frustrating. He found a small space of quiet and focused on it.  His thoughts seemed to come together, but the effort was taxing.  _ Are you all perfect, then?  Have none of you done bad things? _

It was quiet again for a moment.  Jack found the quiet oddly unnerving.  _ We take your point, O’Neill, but we must survive. _

_ We can find some way to work it for both of us, if you just give us a chance. _

_ We would O’Neill, but your people are trying to kill us. _

_ They don’t know you’re here!  They don’t…. _ His thoughts splintered as Teal’c used a blowtorch on the walls in some attempt to slow down their growth.

_ You see, O’Neill?  They would destroy us. _

The pain and heat were becoming overwhelming again.   _ Let me talk to them.  Let me try to convince them. _

_ You cannot speak for us.  Your brain is not made to function that way.  Conscious thought makes you forget our words. _

_ Dammit! _

Jack could hear Daniel, General Hammond and Carter enter the gate room, and hear them talk, but their words were garbled.

_ This, Carter, she is intelligent?   _

_ Yes.  She’s probably the most intelligent person you’ll ever meet, and you’re going to destroy her.  You can’t do that! _  In that small part of his brain that the alien couldn’t seem to access, he thought about how he had to save Carter.  The world needed her. Even if he had to sacrifice himself to keep her, and the others safe, he would do it.  _ She’ll find a way to keep you from spreading, I can promise you that. _

_ You have much faith in her. _

_ I do, _ he answered simply.

Jack could feel someone step up on the ladder.  Carter. Of course it was Carter. He wanted to tell her…something.  He couldn’t figure out what though. His brain was a mess, and he couldn’t make his mouth, or the rest of his body, work.  Her cool hand slid into his. If he could have smiled he would have. Her touch brought him comfort.

_ She is beautiful to your people? _

_ Of course!  She’s beautiful to everyone, even races on other planets. You don’t see that? _

_ Your species is unfamiliar to us.  We do not see the way you do. We feel. You are…strange, but not unpleasant.  Seeing through your eyes, and comparing her to others in your memory, we can tell that she is indeed beautiful.  We shall be sad such beauty will be lost. _

_ No!  You can’t do this. _

_ You care very much for her. _

_ She’s part of my team,  _ Jack replied, carefully.   _ Of course I do. _

_ It is more than that, but you deny it.  Why? _

Jack tried to shake his head, and was frustrated when he couldn’t. Just part of his team, and nothing more.   _ No.  We’re just friends and work colleagues. _

_ You lie to yourself, O’Neill, but it will not matter much longer. _

Carter’s hand moved slightly over his.  “Sir? Sir, I don't know if what we are about to try is a good idea or not, but you have the right to know. You might not survive it.”

Jack couldn’t answer, but had full faith in her.  He concentrated with all his might, but couldn’t do anything.  _  Please, he thought desperately. Let me communicate with her _ !  His mouth still wouldn’t move, but he concentrated on his hand, and was able to rub his thumb over the back of her hand and give it a weak squeeze.  _ Thank you. _

He could feel her remove the IV from his arm.  When she pulled away, he wanted to cry out. He wanted to hold onto her, to know that she was there.

“Okay, Teal'c,”  he heard her say.

Pain. Teal’c hit the orb with a staff blast, and the energy shot through Jack’s body in a rush of heat and agony.

Carter’s voice. “Again.”  He wanted to scream and tell her no more, but he couldn’t.  When the next blast came, Jack wasn’t even aware. His body was being torn apart, but he was in that black place where he’d gone before when he was in the hands of an enemy.  These weren’t his enemies, though.

“We have to.”  Carter’s voice filtered through the fog of his brain.  “Again.” And again he body twitched and convulsed.

He heard Carter’s footsteps running toward him.  

_ O’Neill, you must give in. _

_ No, I can’t. _

_ You must.  You will. _

He wanted to fight, but there was no will left in him.   _ Carter, _ he thought,  _ I’m so sorry I couldn’t fix this…I’m so sorry. _

The last thing he felt and heard was Carter’s fingers on his neck. 

“No pulse.”  He could hear the regret in her voice, and his world suddenly went black.

In the swirl of heat and confusion, Jack realized he could hear them speaking, negotiating with his voice.  He tried to speak himself, but he had no control of his body. He wanted to tell Hammond to let them go, to let them live.  There were so many things he wanted to say, but couldn’t. He vaguely wondered if this was truly how it was going to end for him, stuck like a damn pig on a spit.  

The talking continued, but Jack couldn’t quite grasp everything. There was too much going on in his mind.

He felt the spike unexpectedly pull out of his shoulder, and wanted to weep for joy, but he still wasn’t in control.  Stepping down from the ladder, he walked toward the now glowing ball as the spikes retreated further until they were gone.  The Stargate wooshed open, Jack picked up the ball, working under commands he wasn’t giving, and walked it slowly towards the gate.  When he was close enough, he pushed it through, and promptly fell backwards onto the ramp, as his mind spun out of control with dizziness, nausea, and weakness.  He could hear the self-destruct shut off, and breathed a sigh of relief. It was somehow over.

Daniel, Teal’c were helping him sit up when Carter came through the doors and ran up the ramp toward him.  She knelt down and he could see her eyes shining with concern and relief.

“Nice work,” he said, glad to have control of his own voice and body again.  He quickly slid his hand inside his uniform where the spike had gone through, but there was no wound or blood, or even a scar.  If it weren’t for the huge hole in his uniform top and t-shirt, he’d never know he’d just had a spike holding him to the wall for the better part of a day and a half.

“It is good to see you alive and well.” Teal’c kept an arm on his back to make sure he didn’t fall back over. 

“Welcome back, Jack.” He looked up at Daniel to find the younger man looking as perplexed as he felt.

Carter was still kneeling near his foot, one hand on his leg. “Thought you were gone for good, Sir.” Her voice was soft and a calm washed over him.  

Jack looked her up and down, and gave as much of a grin as he could, which he was fairly certain wasn’t much. “Wild horses, Captain,” he said.  She looked at him quizzically, but smiled.

The three of them helped him to his feet, then Daniel and Carter kept him steady as he walked down the ramp.  Carter had her arm almost around his waist and he had the insane urge to lean into her, but didn’t. She pulled her arm away slightly, and he swayed, causing her to put it right back.

“Should we call for a gurney, Sir?”  Her voice was full of concern.

He shook his head.  Daniel was still steadying him as well.  “No. I’m sure Doc will have me practically strapped to one of those things for days, so I’d rather not get on one before it’s absolutely necessary.  I can walk.”

“Jack, the infirmary is quite a ways,” Daniel told him, unnecessarily.  He knew exactly how far the infirmary was, as he’d had cause to dash there on many occasions when coming through the gate.

“I’ll be fine Daniel, if you two will just keep me steady.  I’d like to move under my own power.”

Daniel sighed heavily, but Carter just tightened her hold on his waist.  He looked down at her. “I always trusted you, you know?” He told her quietly.  “I knew you’d figure it out. You always do.”

She smiled.  “Just doing my job, Colonel.”

“And you’re doing it damn well, Carter.” 

He saw a slight blush stain her cheeks.  “Thank you, Sir.”

He shook his head as his stride became steadier.  “No, Carter, I should be thanking you. You saved me, and all those, whatever they were, not to mention the rest of the planet.”  He halted for a second and turned slightly toward her. “You came through for me again. Thank you. I mean it.” He did. While he hadn’t wanted her on the team to begin with, he knew he’d have been dead a long time ago if she wasn’t around.  Hell, he couldn’t even imagine not having her around, and hoped he never found out.

“You’re welcome, Sir.  I just hope I don’t have to do it again any time soon.”

“Amen to that, Captain.”  They moved into the elevator, and off to the infirmary, where he did in fact have to spend several days, but Daniel, Teal’c and Carter visited him often, making it unnecessary for Janet to actually restrain him.  He wondered about the aliens, and how they were doing, but decided he never, ever wanted to go to their new planet to find out. They’d almost killed him, Earth, and everyone on it. While he knew it wasn’t technically their fault, still, it hadn’t endeared them to him.  

He also hated that they’d seen into his mind, and found memories he’d tried to keep buried.  They’d touched things he chose not to examine too closely for fear of what he might discover there regarding certain people in his life if he did.  Nope it was definitely better to leave that alone. He wanted to put the whole incident behind him and get back to work. As soon as Janet said he could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TBC

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked it!
> 
> TBC, but please, be patient. ;)
> 
> If you have any episode suggestions, feel free to post them.


End file.
